What Have You Been Doing?

Over the last couple of years, I’ve had the unintended privilege of being a stay-at-home dad. I say unintended because I lost my job as the result of a company buyout; in this economy, finding employment has been next to impossible. In the interviews I attend, I’m often asked some variant of, “So, you’ve been out of work for nearly two years. That’s a long time to go without working. What have you been doing?” I initially was offended that some would suggest I merely sit on my laurels and play online all day. Once that irritation subsided, I decided to compose a brief explanation of what a full-time parent (FTP) does and demonstrate correlations to the business world.

A full-time parent – male or female – is a:

Coordinator/Scheduler – Play dates must be scheduled and every possible detail attended to; outings must be coordinated and timed so that continual stimulus is provided. Time management is crucial to ensure activities are completed and nap times are observed. In the corporate vernacular – multiple parties must be communicated with so that an appropriate location and time can be established. Subordinates must have ample time to accomplish the task, and continual training must be supported in order to provide for skill development and refinement. The importance of break times and temporary diversion is recognized as vital to morale.

Counselor – Continual correction is par for the course; degrees of discipline depend on the child and/or action. Phrased in professional lingo - a FTP is called upon to counsel a subordinate engaging in behavior not in agreement with corporate guidelines. Escalating disciplinary methods are used in recognition that one approach does not fit all infractions.

Customer Service Expert – Have you ever tried appeasing a three year old? Professionally – a FTP spends one’s day maintaining a calm, friendly demeanor towards a customer who seems intent on continual mind changes and unrealistic expectations.

Healthcare assistant – FTPs are called upon day and night to care for minor health ailments. Most often the best practice is a bandage to the knee or a kind word; as much as many corporations desire a complete separation of personal and work lives, that isn’t possible. Intrapersonal skills come to the forefront and ensure sufficient shock absorption on the bumpy road of life.

Manager – Maintaining a smoothly operating home requires teaching a child the necessity of picking up art supplies and toys, playing nicely with others (including the dog), and proper table manners. Moments of seeming success are immediately followed with days of setbacks. Put differently, a FTP spends a great deal of time instructing others in the art of interpersonal skills (oftentimes in consideration of multicultural differences) and proper procedures; continued training is seen as the key to continued success.

Negotiator – While a parent can simply order the child to do what is desired, that course of actions often results in hard feelings or a meltdown. Hence a system of give and take is established. In the business world, this is known as negotiating or reaching a compromise amicable to all parties.

Transportation Specialist – Remember those play dates? Once they’re coordinated and the time arrives, the FTP must assemble supplies (including those “just in case” items), gather the children, transport everyone to the agreed upon location and back safely. This differs in only one way to the author’s time as a route driver for an international courier service – the cargo is much more valuable than any computer, document, or medication.

Virtual Assistant – Toss in laundry; cleaning; cooking; answering, making, returning calls; and locating lost items. The author thought three phone lines, fifteen co-workers demanding to be first, and an endless stream of customers was multi-tasking. Full-time parenting is multi-tasking at its finest.

You name it – When an unusual situation occurs, the FTP steps in. Need an emergency caregiver? The FTP is ready to add another child or two in a pinch. Need a plumber? The FTP can unstop sinks and toilets like a pro. Need a repair? FTPs are handy with a hammer and screwdriver. Professionally speaking, FTPs are the quintessential jack-of-all trades when the circumstances dictate.

The roles and tasks listed here must be fulfilled every day. There often isn’t a rigorously observed coffee break. There is no sick or vacation time. Despite illness, the FTP must continue caring; on extremely rare occasions, a full-time parent will call upon another to watch the kid(s) so that he or she can recuperate for a day.

In addition to the few roles listed above, many full-time parents engage in entrepreneurial activities, attend school at least part-time, or both. The impetus for this is simple: we desire a better life for ourselves and our family. We have also been known to come alongside other full-time parents – especially single ones or those dealing with disability – to help shoulder the load of home maintenance and upkeep.

Let there be no mistake, a full-time parent is more than qualified to coordinate and supervise nearly any office in the United States – it would in many ways be a respite. Our patience has been forged in fire. Our resolve and dedicated proven. The lack of monetary payment in no way signifies insignificance.