What Have You Been Doing?

Over the last couple of years, I’ve had the unintended privilege of being a stay-at-home dad. I say unintended because I lost my job as the result of a company buyout; in this economy, finding employment has been next to impossible. In the interviews I attend, I’m often asked some variant of, “So, you’ve been out of work for nearly two years. That’s a long time to go without working. What have you been doing?” I initially was offended that some would suggest I merely sit on my laurels and play online all day. Once that irritation subsided, I decided to compose a brief explanation of what a full-time parent (FTP) does and demonstrate correlations to the business world.

A full-time parent – male or female – is a:

Coordinator/Scheduler – Play dates must be scheduled and every possible detail attended to; outings must be coordinated and timed so that continual stimulus is provided. Time management is crucial to ensure activities are completed and nap times are observed. In the corporate vernacular – multiple parties must be communicated with so that an appropriate location and time can be established. Subordinates must have ample time to accomplish the task, and continual training must be supported in order to provide for skill development and refinement. The importance of break times and temporary diversion is recognized as vital to morale.

Counselor – Continual correction is par for the course; degrees of discipline depend on the child and/or action. Phrased in professional lingo - a FTP is called upon to counsel a subordinate engaging in behavior not in agreement with corporate guidelines. Escalating disciplinary methods are used in recognition that one approach does not fit all infractions.

Customer Service Expert – Have you ever tried appeasing a three year old? Professionally – a FTP spends one’s day maintaining a calm, friendly demeanor towards a customer who seems intent on continual mind changes and unrealistic expectations.

Healthcare assistant – FTPs are called upon day and night to care for minor health ailments. Most often the best practice is a bandage to the knee or a kind word; as much as many corporations desire a complete separation of personal and work lives, that isn’t possible. Intrapersonal skills come to the forefront and ensure sufficient shock absorption on the bumpy road of life.

Manager – Maintaining a smoothly operating home requires teaching a child the necessity of picking up art supplies and toys, playing nicely with others (including the dog), and proper table manners. Moments of seeming success are immediately followed with days of setbacks. Put differently, a FTP spends a great deal of time instructing others in the art of interpersonal skills (oftentimes in consideration of multicultural differences) and proper procedures; continued training is seen as the key to continued success.

Negotiator – While a parent can simply order the child to do what is desired, that course of actions often results in hard feelings or a meltdown. Hence a system of give and take is established. In the business world, this is known as negotiating or reaching a compromise amicable to all parties.

Transportation Specialist – Remember those play dates? Once they’re coordinated and the time arrives, the FTP must assemble supplies (including those “just in case” items), gather the children, transport everyone to the agreed upon location and back safely. This differs in only one way to the author’s time as a route driver for an international courier service – the cargo is much more valuable than any computer, document, or medication.

Virtual Assistant – Toss in laundry; cleaning; cooking; answering, making, returning calls; and locating lost items. The author thought three phone lines, fifteen co-workers demanding to be first, and an endless stream of customers was multi-tasking. Full-time parenting is multi-tasking at its finest.

You name it – When an unusual situation occurs, the FTP steps in. Need an emergency caregiver? The FTP is ready to add another child or two in a pinch. Need a plumber? The FTP can unstop sinks and toilets like a pro. Need a repair? FTPs are handy with a hammer and screwdriver. Professionally speaking, FTPs are the quintessential jack-of-all trades when the circumstances dictate.

The roles and tasks listed here must be fulfilled every day. There often isn’t a rigorously observed coffee break. There is no sick or vacation time. Despite illness, the FTP must continue caring; on extremely rare occasions, a full-time parent will call upon another to watch the kid(s) so that he or she can recuperate for a day.

In addition to the few roles listed above, many full-time parents engage in entrepreneurial activities, attend school at least part-time, or both. The impetus for this is simple: we desire a better life for ourselves and our family. We have also been known to come alongside other full-time parents – especially single ones or those dealing with disability – to help shoulder the load of home maintenance and upkeep.

Let there be no mistake, a full-time parent is more than qualified to coordinate and supervise nearly any office in the United States – it would in many ways be a respite. Our patience has been forged in fire. Our resolve and dedicated proven. The lack of monetary payment in no way signifies insignificance.

A Carefree Moment

The sun’s shining bright, deceptively bright and the sky is cloudless. Looking out the window, one can easily forget spring has yet to arrive. Nonetheless, I can stay indoors no longer.

Walking around my backyard, the sounds of the neighborhood symphony resonate in my ear. Stopping for just a moment, I allow the harmony to sink in. To the south, I hear the occasional truck passing by on the highway less than three blocks away; the pocket dogs a couple houses up attempt to convince the world of their ferocity… self-delusion isn’t always a bad thing. Wanting to enjoy the full effect, I examine the sights around me. Several chimneys have white smoke dancing out, the scent of burning wood wafting my way. A robin hops around the backyard and, in the urban forest, another bird heralds his arrival back to Southwest Missouri. A squirrel scurries up a clothesline pole. Catfish the Black Lab – named after Lewis Grizzard’s faithful dog – has taken post beside me; he looks up as if to say, “What’re we looking at, Dad? Wanna play ball?” All seems well.

A local hospital’s helicopter heads west. Realizing someone’s facing a life threatening scenario, I send up a quick prayer asking for mercy to the person, comfort to the family, and wisdom for the medical personnel. Life’s cares begin to come back.

Catfish went inside; no doubt his arthritis is making itself known today. My sick daughter is beginning to stir about indoors. I’m beginning to feel the 41 degree air slipping through my jacket and my half-caff coffee isn’t keeping me warm. Begrudgingly, I make my way to the door while telling myself spring will be here soon. At least trout season opens day after tomorrow…

Online Learning

I did something out of the ordinary this morning. I met a friend for breakfast. While this may not seem like a big deal to you, please understand. I seldom eat breakfast and I never have breakfast with someone unless it’s a sandwich with the buddy of the day while driving to the fishing hole. However, this gentleman is someone I hadn’t seen in quite some time and the opportunity to fellowship with him was one I couldn’t pass up.

In time, our conversation fell to online education. In his career, he speaks with employers daily and has found many of them lack respect for those earning online degrees. As a slightly insulted online graduate student, I found myself intrigued. My friend continued on to say many employers find many electronic learning (e-learning) students lack the basic social skills brick and mortar schools force one to learn. While I agree this is an inherent danger, especially amongst those who have attended only online schools, the benefits of distant education cannot be ignored.

•Online students are often more adept with technology because they have to be. To study in one’s home with no assistance from others requires a high technological aptitude and comfort. This will be greater evidenced as society further migrates to an electronic base rather than physical.

•Online students must learn greater self-discipline in order to effectively glean the most from the program. Speaking from personal experience, the “have-to” things of life can easily crowd out the blocks of study time; as a former brick and mortar student, I understand the accountability that comes from having a study group.

•E-learning offers an option for those unable to attend traditional schools. These barriers may be behavior or health related as witnessed in this local news story. Students desiring to work ahead and perhaps graduate early or those separated by distance also benefit from online education.

•Some students simply tire of brick and mortar schools. Due to a heavy work schedule, eight years were required to obtain my Bachelor’s degree. Once I completed my undergraduate program, I couldn't fathom sitting in a classroom for several more years. The top two features of any Master’s degree I would possibly consider were online availability and regional accreditation. Neither was more important than the other; both were nonnegotiable.

I have other thoughts regarding this subject, but I have decided a research paper is in order. If you’re interested, stay tuned. I’ll let you know when it can be found in my online portfolio.

Until next time…

Scammers Beware!!

During my time as a full-time dad, I’ve encountered plenty of employment scams. Seems these dirtbags use job listing sites to find prey; like any sensible person, I’ve been ignoring their claims of $19 per hour home based jobs that require only a working computer and reliable internet connection. Not anymore. From here on, I’m going to respond and then post my findings. How does this fit into Reeling? Quite easily.

As anyone who’s ever lost a job can attest, sudden unemployment sends one into a tailspin. Worries of how to pay the mortgage come second only to “How can I feed and clothe my family?” It isn’t easy, especially when one is fired without good reason. Ever tried to explain “The company’s changing direction” in an interview? Not easy. Anyway, back to the scammers. I’ve come to the same conclusion most decent people have. These parties are making huge money off honest folks’ misfortune and naiveté; our banding together is the only way to combat these bottom feeders. Perhaps my blogging will show in Google results as potential victims verify before jumping (I can only hope they verify). Together we can each find the position we’d like to reel in!

Until next time…

The Truth About "Oboes."

Hi! Welcome back! I’m taking a bit of a detour for this entry. I know I said our next visit would be discussing the children of full-time fathers, but something happened in the last few days that I want to share.

There are times when I don’t go to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning and then sleep late; Chloe’s fine with that. Renee gives her breakfast before leaving for work and gets a movie going. Chloe can change out discs as she needs to and knows to come get me if she needs anything else. Catfish the Black Lab comes to get me if he’s getting nervous about anything. Suffice it to say, I’m comfortable sleeping. On rare mornings, my little girl will crawl into my bed wanting to cuddle; what dad says no to that?

So Tuesday morning found Chloe climbing into my bed. Wanting to enjoy the time with her, I was happy when she snuggled up next to me and dozed off for a few minutes. I awoke to her singing and telling stories. She then stopped, looked at me, and felt the need to tell me “You have big, giant oboes [boobs] and Chloe has tiny, little oboes.”

I had been telling myself I would lose weight and get into shape before Chloe realized her dad was fat. Guess it’s too late.

Full-Time Dad

For those of you who checked out Reeling, you know I’m a stay-at-home dad though I don’t really like the term. Perhaps full-time caregiver is more accurate. Either way, this wasn’t what I had planned when my daughter was born. A loss of employment in an economy hemorrhaging jobs allowed me the opportunity to develop child rearing skills. Fortunately, I had something of a foundation to build upon.

Because of our experience with Chloe’s premature birth, and some health problems inherited from me, I have always been a bit more involved than I’m told most dads are. This came in handy when I became a full-time dad; don’t get me wrong, the first day found a nineteen month old and a 32 year old staring blankly at one another. She was as confused as I! In time, we learned to deal day in and day out with one another while becoming less of a mystery to the other. I didn’t realize this until it was time for assessments.

Due to some development issues, Chloe had been participating in the First Steps program; upon turning three, she had to be evaluated for entry into the public school system. While she was doing the testing, I was allowed to complete a mountain of paperwork. The documents included questions regarding dexterity, vocabulary, etc. Because of our time together, I knew all the answers! I knew my little girl far better than I thought I ever would. Looking back, I realize this was the moment I became comfortable being a full-time dad.

I’ve recently been reading and researching stay-at-home fathers. While there are many more of us today than in times past, we’re still far outnumbered by full-time moms. Even within my realm of friends, I’m the only full-time fathers. Many folks have questioned the parenting ability of rebel dads and the subsequent consequences on children. While a valid concern, I believe it unnecessary. On our next visit, I’ll explain not only why I say this, but some of the difficulties male caregivers face.

Until next time!

A Re-posting Of Reeling in Life's First Entry

Below is a re-posting of the maiden post from my first blog, Reeling in Life. Due to forgetting the access information, I have been forced to create a new blog - Reeling in Life 2. This entry gives a foundation for the reader to better understand me.


Hello. Thanks for stopping by Reeling in Life. While I enjoy writing, this is my first blog; I’ve mulled over the idea of blogging for quite a while but could never settle on a title. As so often happens, I was concentrating on something entirely unrelated when the name came to me.

Over the last few months, I have discovered a passion for trout fishing. A couple of weeks back, I was trying to correct a problem with the reel on my fishing pole; that’s when Reeling in Life was born.

We each yearn to pull or reel in the things we love and enjoy. However, in life, there come circumstances which cause us to waver or stumble. These moments are often described as having “left me reeling.” The title reminds me that just as the good moments pass so do the bad.

Please allow me to tell you about myself as I’m sure at some point each of these roles will be the inspiration behind a post.

Married for eight years, I have a young daughter who knows how to play my heartstrings.

While I possess an internal locus of control my belief system reminds me my destiny is not entirely of my own making.

I’ve had the privilege of serving a great church in several capacities.

I have held several jobs with each one centered on customer service in one facet or another.

I have been a stay-at-home dad for over a year; without a doubt, it has been the most challenging but rewarding time of my life.

Over the last year I’ve learned more than I would have had I been employed.

In keeping with my desire to control my future, I have often considered being an entrepreneur. However, after leaving my initial career field over ten years ago, I was unsure as to what I would do. This resulted in several years of floundering.

I have recently determined two distinct industries in which I will, in the very near future, make my mark. A third possibility has also presented itself. Stay tuned for more.

I am often told I make unique use of similes and metaphors. Perhaps this will come to light as Reeling unfolds.

Through this blog, I plan to share my thoughts and experiences in hopes of encouraging others as they experience circumstances of life. Perhaps readers may be provoked to thoughts or actions.

Thank you for taking the time to read the first entry of Reeling in Life. As time moves forward, I hope you’ll check in often. If a particular comment or experience strikes your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Until next time…